


I Can’t Pretend It’s Okay (When It’s Not)

by seekrest



Series: All’s Well That Ends Well (to End Up With You) [6]
Category: Spider-Man (Tom Holland Movies)
Genre: (and they just might accept it), (at least they’re trying to be), Alternate Universe - No Powers, Angst and Feels, College Student Peter Parker, Developing Friendships, F/M, Friends to Lovers, Idiots in Love, Michelle Jones Needs a Hug, Mutual Pining, Peter Parker is a Good Bro, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-19
Updated: 2019-10-19
Packaged: 2020-12-24 05:02:37
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,723
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21093830
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/seekrest/pseuds/seekrest
Summary: She’d taken Felicia’s advice to heart, trying to figure out what she wanted - but Michelle didn’t have to think about it for long.She wanted Peter. Michelle liked him, liked him more than she could even explain - even if it didn’t make any kind of sense.Michelle thought it was crazy for her to be so foolishly wrapped up in Peter Parker and her feelings for him, or even the fact that she had feelings for him at all.But she did - and Michelle was way past the point of denying it.





	I Can’t Pretend It’s Okay (When It’s Not)

New Years passes without much fanfare, Michelle can’t even bring herself to care. 

She watched the ball drop from her couch, ignoring Ashley and Eddie’s questions about going out. She ignored her parents encouragement and her little sister's questions, not even having the heart to be mad at Lizzy for sending Peter that message when Michelle had done a great job of fucking everything up herself.

After the week passed, Michelle on her way to the Megabus stop - she allows her mind to wander back to the night she last saw him. 

* * *

She found Ashley and Eddie moments later, tearing out of the club only to be stopped by Felicia.

“Look sweetheart—“

“Don’t fucking call me—“

“He likes you, you know that?” Felicia’s green eyes narrow, like a cat ready to pounce. Michelle stills, not quite feeling intimidated but shocked enough to listen - Ashley and Eddie standing beside her.

“He’s been fucking crying about you for weeks, going on and on about MJ this and MJ that and I gotta admit, at first I thought it was some bullshit. But then I saw you,” Felicia eyed her up and down. “And I _ got _it.”

Michelle rolls her eyes in disgust, going to walk away but Felicia’s insistent, reaching out for her arm.

“He’s not an asshole okay? He’s… he’s a good guy.”

“I know that.” Michelle snaps.

“_ Do _ you? Because standing him up today, ignoring him when it’s clear you’re head over heels for him? Sounds like a dick move to me.”

“You don’t know what you’re—“

Felicia laughs, the sound of it sending a chill down Michelle’s spine. 

“Oh please sweetheart, I went to high school with Peter Parker. Every damn girl and half the boys in that school liked him. Hell, even _ I _dated him. Last boy I ever did but it was fucking worth it.” 

Felicia’s words cause her to still, Michelle watching as Felicia just moved closer to her.

“When Peter likes someone, he’s all in. One hundred percent. He’s not an asshole alright?” Felicia let’s her arm go, Michelle feeling like she’s been slapped.

“And he likes _ you _ . And your friends might not tell you the truth but I will. _ You’re _ being the asshole here. _ You _ are the one fucking things up. Peter’s a dumbass and terrible about confrontation but he’s… he’s good.” Felicia takes a moment to look her up and down before meeting her eyes once more.

“Look, I don’t know what’s going on in that pretty little head of yours or what the hell happened to make you two be on the outs but you need to figure it out and decide what you’re going to do about it.” 

Michelle says nothing, Felicia turning to Eddie and Ashley.

“Great dancing, see you around.”

Felicia turns to Michelle once more, sending her a meaningful look before turning away - disappearing as she walked to the dance floor. 

* * *

She’d taken Felicia’s advice to heart, trying to figure out what the hell she wanted - but Michelle didn’t have to think about it for long.

She wanted _ Peter _. Michelle liked him, liked him more than she could even explain - even if it didn’t make any kind of sense. 

They’d known each other for less than six months at that point, Michelle thought it was crazy for her to be so foolishly wrapped up in Peter Parker and her feelings for him, or even the fact that she had feelings for him at all.

But she did - and Michelle was way past the point of denying it. 

Yet Michelle couldn’t bring herself to reach out to him, paralyzed anytime she brought out her phone - tapping out and deleting message after message, trying to figure out what to say, the shame coursing through her before she could try. 

She’s fucked up - in every way that night at the club. And it seemed like no matter how she tried to think about it, nothing she said seemed to be good enough to break the ice. 

<strike> December 30, 9:51pm: Hey Parker, you got any New Years plans? </strike>

<strike> December 31, 11:12pm: Hey Parker, did you see what that stupid actor you like was wearing on Dick Clark’s? It was stupid. But I figured you’d like it anyway. </strike>

<strike> January 3, 4:51pm: Hey Peter, I tried out that sushi place you mentioned once. It was pretty good, but I think I ate too much wasabi. Kind of ruined it. You would’ve laughed. </strike>

<strike> January 4, 7:10pm: Hey Peter, I’m sorry I never texted you. </strike>

<strike> January 5, 8:32am: Peter, I’m sorry. Can we talk? </strike>

Michelle typed the last message, over and over and over again until she finally had to leave her phone in the room - intentionally distracting herself with whatever nonsense Lizzy wanted, her parents eyeing her, knowing that something had happened when she’d gone out. 

Michelle normally told them everything but she hadn’t tell them about this. Mostly because she couldn’t figure out a way to tell the story without making her look like she hadn’t rushed to conclusions and assumptions even when she absolutely had. 

Michelle already knew what her mom would say - suck it up, apologize, talk to him - and that her dad would echo it, encouraging her to work on herself before she considered starting anything with someone else.

But Michelle didn’t want to hear it, especially knowing they would be right. 

Peter had arguably miscommunicated with her too - he bought her a gift without telling her what he meant by it or why and ignored her in their apartment all those weeks. But no matter how she tried to spin it, no matter how many times she went over it in her mind - there was no getting away from the truth. 

Felicia was right. Michelle had been an asshole to Peter, for no other reason than her own hurt about Harry being directed towards him. It was mortifying to think of, how much she’d let her emotions take over - how much she allowed Harry to still dictate how she reacted to things, especially when it was clear that Peter hadn’t deserved it. 

He’d tried to reach out to her with the gift, tried to meet up with her - even if she had never received the message - and Michelle had lashed out at him, pushing him away without even bothering to listen.

For as much as Peter hadn’t talked to her in the weeks after Thanksgiving, Michelle knew she had fucked up to begin with - that she could’ve talked to him first. 

Even in thinking of him not talking to her after Thanksgiving, packing up her things as she prepared to head back to school - she had been the one to originally try and ignore him, too blinded by her own foolish and misguided jealousy over a boy she hadn’t even _ asked out _. Her and Peter were roommates, friends even - but the way she had acted towards him wasn’t just wrong, it was completely uncalled for.

Michelle liked Peter, she could admit that to herself now - but she didn’t own him. They weren’t dating. They were _ friends _. And as much as it stung, Felicia’s honesty felt like a slap in the face - and gave her the perspective Michelle knew she sorely needed. 

And as much as her pride argued against it - she had to make it right. Had to somehow find a way to apologize for how awful she’d been to him, when Peter hadn’t done anything to deserve it. 

Michelle had to make it right. Though a part of her wondered if there was any way to do that at all. 

* * *

Michelle figured that Peter would have found another bus ticket back to school after how she’d acted towards him, something she had considered doing herself - until she realized that doing so would only make things even more unbearably awkward if Peter hadn’t changed his. 

When she arrives at the bus stop - just before it leaves - she’s surprised to see him there, almost as if he was waiting for her. 

“Hey MJ.” Michelle’s taken aback by his tone, how casual he was being as she searched his eyes for some latent or stuffed down anger. 

But any hurt that Peter might’ve felt wasn’t anywhere in his eyes, Michelle realizing she was taking a bit too long to respond when she shook her head and tried to smile.

“Hey Parker. How's… how was the rest of your break?” 

Peter smiles, Michelle eyeing him carefully as he shrugged. “It was fine. Quiet you know, just me and May. You?”

Michelle blinks, her brain short-circuiting again for how polite he was being. There was no sense of anger behind his eyes, only a calm resignation. As if Peter had decided something for himself, though for the life of her Michelle couldn’t figure out what. 

“Yeah, it was good. Quiet too.” She shuffles awkwardly, watching as Peter just smiles back at her - offering his hand out. She stares at it before looking back to his face until he gestures towards her bag. 

“You need any help with that? I know you can do it but you know,” Peter shrugs, “I also know pack like half your closet so--”

Michelle scoffs, rolling her eyes even as she hands it to him. “It’s good to be prepared, Peter. Besides, it’s heavy as fuck so I won’t complain if you want to give yourself back problems.”

Peter’s smile grows wider as he takes it, Michelle staring at him as they start to board the bus. 

“What?” She asks, Peter looking back at her. 

“Nothing. Just…” His eyes light up, Michelle feeling her heart beat a little faster even as she tried to swallow it down. She didn’t deserve his kindness and couldn’t bring herself to let her feelings cloud her judgement again. 

“Nothing.” Peter just nods, some indiscernible expression on his face as he turns to face forward - Michelle wishing that she felt confident enough to ask him what was going on his head. 

Of all the things Michelle had expected when she saw Peter again, and she had thought about it a lot - going so far as to wonder if Peter would somehow break the lease, move out and disappear from her life - she hadn’t expected him to be so…. _ nice _. 

Felicia had been right, Michelle knew it even then. Peter Parker was _ good _ . But he was still a _ guy _ and it completely threw Michelle for him to be acting the way he did, especially when she knew he hadn’t deserved any of the anger she’d directed towards him back at the club.

Michelle follows behind Peter as they board the bus, helping him put their bags up until they sit. She feels like she’s going to burst, her anxiety and pride flaring in equal measures.

She’d been awful to him, hadn’t reached out or said a word. And yet Peter didn’t seem to hold a grudge against her at all, something that she couldn’t make sense of - knowing on a deep and uncomfortable level that she wouldn’t have extended the same courtesy to him.

Michelle had snapped at him, angry and self-righteous over something that hadn’t been Peter’s fault to begin with. Despite all the miscommunication, despite the awkwardness and the potential for it to blow up in her face - Michelle knows it’s on her to fix this.

“Peter-“

“I’m sorry.” Peter’s words throw her, Michelle blinking at him a few times. 

“What?”

“I’m sorry. For everything. For not talking to you about the gift. Or buying it, I guess. That wasn’t—“

“Peter, don't apologize.” Michelle snaps again, only to grimace when she sees him stop. 

_ Stop fucking this up, Michelle. _

“No, I mean… I mean you don’t have anything to apologize for.” Michelle swallows down her pride, letting out an exhale that she hadn’t realized she’d been holding. She should’ve expected that Peter Parker would think that after that awful night that somehow it had been _ his _ fault. 

“Yeah, MJ. I do. I should’ve—“

“Whatever the hell you think you did, I shouldn’t have yelled at you. You didn’t… you didn’t deserve that. I’m sorry, I was an asshole.” Michelle tumbles forward, knowing that if she didn’t - her own guilt at the situation would be magnified by Peter’s apology. 

“I should’ve talked to you more—“ Peter tries to say but Michelle cuts him off. 

“And I shouldn’t have embarrassed you like that. I still have your jacket by the way. God, I feel like an idiot.” Michelle closed her eyes, willing herself to continue even as she felt Peter’s gaze on her. 

“You didn’t—“

“Don’t try and make me feel better, Peter. Not for this.” Michelle opens her eyes, forcing herself to look straight into his - her resolve growing.

“I fucked up. I was being stupid and awful and you didn’t deserve that. You know it, I know it… I’m just— I’m sorry.”

Peter seems to consider her for a second, eyes flashing with something at her words before nodding, offering a small smile. “For what it’s worth, I’m sorry too.”

“Peter—“ Michelle sighs. 

“No hear me out.” Peter bites his lip, eyes going elsewhere while he thought.

“I’m sorry for not talking to you after Thanksgiving. I didn’t mean to make you feel pressured or like you didn’t have a choice. I didn’t even think of how that made you feel, inviting you over and then kissing you like that. And then when you didn’t talk to me on the ride home, I knew I messed up, I knew—”

“Wait, wait wait,” Michelle shakes her head. “You think, you thought that I didn’t _ want _—“ Michelle lets out a laugh, holding back the hope she feels in her chest. 

“What?” 

“I thought _ you _ thought it was a mistake. When you didn’t say anything I just…” Michelle trailed off, eyes glancing away before she looks back to him. “And then I saw you with Felicia…”

Peter lets his shoulders sag. “Felicia’s—”

“Gay yeah, I know. You told me. And about thirty people at that club.” Peter snorts before he can stop it, seeing the smile on Michelle’s face. He feels the smile on his, eyes searching hers. 

“I thought you stood me up that day. You didn’t show—”

“It was my sister, she sent the text, she didn’t tell me…” Michelle sighed, shaking her head. “I was pissed about the gift and Felicia and—” Michelle replies, feeling the shame course through her again. 

“_ That _ was stupid, I should’ve talked to you—”

“No, it wasn’t. I completely overreacted. It wasn’t your fault. God, Peter I’m sorry.”

“I’m sorry too.” Peter whispers. 

Michelle is silent, letting it drape over them as the bus started to move - remembering that for as personal as the conversation they were having was - they were still in public.

It didn’t make sense for Peter to be as apologetic as he was, not when Michelle’s guilt seemed to crowd out everything in her mind. But Peter seemed just as contrite as she was, maybe undeservedly so - and she wasn’t going to try and make him feel bad about wanting to forgive her when that’s all she wanted. 

Michelle feels the tension melt away slightly, bringing her eyes back to meet his.

“We really fucked this up huh?” Peter asks, a small smile on his face. 

Michelle snorts, nodding. “Yeah. I… think we missed a couple of steps.”

Peter seems to consider this, a look on his face that she can’t quite place before saying, “So… how about we start over?”

“Huh?” 

“Let’s— well, it’s not like we can pretend that Thanksgiving didn’t happen but-“ Peter winces as he continues, “Maybe we can try again?”

Michelle feels her heartbeat start to quicken before saying. “Try again?”

“I mean, we can be… friends. I mean, that’s okay if you don’t want to be. We only have a semester left but—“

“I can do that.” Michelle answers quickly, knowing it’s a lie but accepting the olive branch she doesn’t feel she deserves. 

Michelle doesn’t want to _ just _ be Peter’s friend. 

But she knows she crossed every line imaginable, letting her own anger over Harry cloud her judgement in a way that she felt was unforgivable. And if Peter was gracious enough to want to start fresh, to forgive her and still wanted to be around her after how she’d acted, she wasn’t going to argue. 

As the bus continues on, Peter smiles at her once more - Michelle accepts that Peter is telling her the truth - that maybe they can try again. 

They might not be able to be anything more than friends - despite how much she realized that she wanted to be - but considering everything that had happened, Michelle would take it. 

* * *

Michelle spent the next week waiting for the penny to drop, for the bottom to fall through - for any other metaphor or analogy that her freshman year comp professor would’ve yelled at her for using.

Things hadn’t gone completely back to normal with her and Peter, and considering all that had happened Michelle was sure that they never would. 

But things were different. Polite. Distant in a way that if anyone were to observe, no one would really be able to tell anything had changed. 

But Michelle could. 

It helped - or didn’t, depending on Michelle’s mood that day - that they had different schedules now, the chance to meet together for lunch being completely shot. There was a dark part of Michelle that argued that it had been intentional, Peter didn’t seem to be so petty that he would have changed his schedule around to avoid her while being so nice to her face.

She knew he wouldn’t do that, just as much as she knew Peter. 

He wasn’t Harry. And as each day passed, Michelle cursed herself for how she had acted - Peter proving that to her more and more without even having to try. 

The flirty banter between them was gone, Michelle didn’t even try and cross that barrier and for his part Peter, who joked with her and laughed freely at the stupid shit she’d say to him in passing, seemed more reserved - distant in a way that made Michelle miss him even if he was right in front of her. 

Something had changed between them that night at the club - Michelle thinking it had really all changed after they’d made out in his bedroom. 

But even if they’d apologized to each other, even if they’d started to make tentative steps towards actually becoming friends - Michelle knew she’d fucked something up between them and she couldn’t argue against what Peter had suggested. 

They were friends now, and it seemed to be sticking - but Michelle couldn’t help wonder the more time went on how long that it would actually last. 

* * *

It wasn’t until the end of January before Michelle starts to let herself relax, Peter being just as kind and polite as he’d been everyday since they first saw each other again the bus. Ned and Betty seemed completely oblivious that anything had changed between them, though Michelle wondered how much of it was an act for how they’d look at her or Peter when talking over coffee in the morning or dancing around the kitchen with each other at night. 

It helped that roommate dinners - of which were now full roommate affairs - were frequent enough that hanging out with Peter didn’t feel like she was walking on eggshells.

It was all in her mind, Michelle knew that - Peter not giving any indication that he was harboring any kind of resentment against her. But it was frustrating at this point, Michelle wondering if he was a saint or a psychopath for how mind-numbingly _ nice _ he was being - especially when Michelle wondered if she really deserved it.

It hits her after one night with Peter, studying in the living room together that she hadn’t always thought this way. Hadn’t always judged her self-worth based on what someone else thought of her.

That idea started and ended with Harry. And almost a year after he broke her heart, Michelle knew she couldn’t keep allowing him to control her thoughts and opinions and feelings about herself - not because of Peter and whatever their friendship now was - but for herself.

She’d let Harry dictate her life for the year she’d dated him and was realizing now, how much she still was allowing him to influence her a year after he was gone.

Michelle didn’t know if her and Peter would ever become anything more than friends - or if they really should, for how much shit she clearly had to deal with - but if they did or didn’t, she was convinced. 

She’d allowed Harry to take two years away from her.

Michelle wouldn’t allow him to take anymore. 

* * *

Betty had been the one to suggest the roommate night out, Michelle waiting to gauge Peter’s reaction - wondering for as much as she saw him, if he’d really want to hang out beyond the apartment. 

They saw each other constantly, a default of living together and of their rooms being right next to each other - but her and Peter hadn’t really spent any length of time together outside the walls of their apartment after the new year, something Michelle didn’t realize she had missed until she no longer had it. 

“And _ where _ did you say you wanted to go again?” Michelle asked, grabbing one of the vegan wings that Betty had ordered. Betty smiled, beaming at Michelle. 

“It’s some kind of gala or fundraiser, some girl at my work had some extra tickets for it, something about her dad’s boss or whatever. But that’s not the point. The _ point _ ,” Betty smiled, smacking away Ned’s hands from the last of bbq flavored wings as he made a face and Peter laughed, “is that _ we _ get to dress up and go to a fancy masquerade ball, drink some really expensive wine and eat rich people finger food, for _ free. _” 

Ned rolled his eyes, pouting from Betty’s denial of sharing the wings as he went for one of the last buffalo flavored ones. “What if some of us don’t _ want _ to dress up for some stupid masquarade gala thing?”

“I don’t know man, it sounds kind of cool.” Peter offered encouragingly, Betty smiling at him before turning to Michelle. Michelle watched as Peter looked at her too, the smile on his face making her want to do anything to keep seeing it. 

It was stupid, even then Michelle thought - how _ stupid _ she had been before. Michelle can’t think of the first moment she’d started to like Peter but now, seeing his dumb smile with an ache in her heart for how happy it made her - Michelle could only wonder if Peter still felt it too. 

If he did or didn’t, Michelle didn’t know - pushing the thought out of her head as she turned to Betty. “I think any party that gives us free booze is a good one.”

Betty nodded, her face full of triumph as she pointedly looked towards Ned. “See? Even MJ think it’s a great idea.”

“That’s not fair. _ MJ _ didn’t get the last of her wings stolen.” 

“No one _ stole _ any wings, Ned. You said that you wanted buffalo, not bbq.” 

Ned and Betty continue to bicker but Michelle’s attention is drawn elsewhere, Peter leaning over to whisper in her ear. It’s the closest he’s been to her since that day in the apartment, Michelle’s breath hitching. 

“You think they’re ever gonna figure out that they’re perfect for each other?” Michelle glances at him, seeing.... something in his eyes as she looks to Ned and Betty. Her eyes meet Peter’s again, getting the impression that he never once stopped staring at her. 

Michelle lets out a laugh that feels a little too breathless, wondering if her breath smelt like wings. “I don’t know, they’re pretty much huge dumbasses so who knows right?” 

Peter smiled, the sight of it making Michelle’s stomach churn for how close he was to her. “I think they’ll figure it out. People always do.” 

“You think so?” Her voice is quieter than she intended, searching Peter’s eyes. He just stares at her, the expression on his face changing slightly - Michelle feeling as if they weren’t talking about Ned and Betty anymore. 

Peter says nothing at first, the smile fading on his face slightly before he gives a short nod. “Yeah,” he whispers, Michelle shivering involuntarily. “I like to think so.” 

They stare at each other for another few seconds before realizing it was quiet, Michelle turning to face Betty and Ned - both of whom were staring at her and Peter with varying levels of amusement on their faces. Michelle’s the first to lean away from Peter, Peter returning back to his previous stance. 

It’s quiet between the four of them before Peter reaches for the actual last buffalo wing, Ned letting out a huff before saying, “So when’s the party? Do I need a tux?”

* * *

The party - it turned out - was that Friday, Michelle rifling her closet for something to wear until she relented to Betty’s pleas to go shopping. It felt silly to Michelle, buying a brand new outfit for an event that she hadn’t even been invited to but then the idea of dressing up, decked out in a killer dress with her makeup and hair done felt oddly appealing to her. 

Michelle hadn’t cared for any of it in high school, her own mini-act of rebellion against the girls in her private school and society at large resulting in her keeping her face clear and her clothes as simple as possible. But she enjoyed it in college, liked how powerful a perfectly executed cat eye made her feel. And there was a small part of her - one that she would never admit out loud - that really wanted to wow Peter. 

It was stupid and vaguely nagged at her sense of returning back to who she’d been - Michelle didn’t dress for the attention of anyone, much less a guy - but when Michelle stepped out of the dressing room in an emerald dress that made _ Betty’s _ mouth drop, she knew she had picked a winner. 

It helped that Michelle had been planning on buying something new for herself for awhile anyway, thinking that once she passed graduation and officially crossed into adulthood that she could berate herself for bad shopping choices then. 

Buying the dresses, preparing to go the gala - it made the whole apartment hum with joy, a nice reprieve in the slump of their last semester of college before midterms and spring break and the real world. Making the masks was something she hadn’t anticipated to be as fun as it was, all of them laughing as Peter - a certifiable genius in an apartment full of overachieving MIT almost grads - had somehow managed to hot glue his jeans to the couch. 

It was in those moments, little conversations between the four of them that Michelle started to think that it was okay that Peter and her had reached whatever kind of resolution that they had. That even if they couldn’t go back to whatever they had been or wherever path they had originally been on, if they’d really even been heading towards something, that being his friend - something that she had been damned and determined not to be - was actually something Michelle really enjoyed. 

Being around the four of them - around Peter - started to make Michelle feel like herself again, her true self - the person she’d been before Harry. And the more time she spent with them, the more she saw how truly Peter had seemed committed to trying again - the more Michelle started to forgive herself for how she’d been, to allow herself the chance to get a fresh start too. 

Ned had been the one to suggest a spring break trip, casually mentioning that his family apparently had a beach house in the Hamptons out of fucking nowhere - something that made Betty’s eyes widen as Peter and Michelle had been floored. 

By the time Friday rolled around it was settled, they’d all ride up into the Hamptons together - one last hurrah with each other, Michelle wondering how the hell she had ever went four years of college without knowing the roommates that she had now, friendships that she realized she didn’t want to live without.

But even as she put her makeup on, Michelle knew that as much as she liked Ned and Betty and enjoyed their company - Michelle really wondered how the hell she was going to live without Peter after graduation - literally and figuratively. 

He’d become such a constant in her life, being there when she woke up, saying goodnight before she went to sleep - that even if everything was different between them, even if they would never be anything more than friends, Michelle wondered how much of that tentative friendship would actually hold when they graduated and moved out. 

Michelle knew Peter was still waiting to hear back from the medical schools he applied to and she was waiting for her own news - committing to law schools with her sights set on Stanford, thinking of how much her mom had enjoyed going to school there. 

Her mom had been thrilled at the news, even if her dad had goodnaturedly joked that Stanford’s med school and law schools had to be different - much to her mother's annoyance and Michelle’s amusement. 

She’d never told him where she had actually applied before, considering how awkward that time had been - but after, Peter seemed just as excited for her as her parents had been - Michelle hoping that wherever she ended up, that maybe her and Peter would still stay in touch. 

She wanted more than that, even still - despite everything. But as she put the finishing touches of her mascara, Michelle was resigned. 

As much as she still liked him, Michelle knew there was a lot she would have to sort out with herself - something that she shouldn’t rely on Peter to fix. 

She’d possibly messed up something good with Peter, something that could’ve been great. 

But she wouldn’t mess up their friendship. 

* * *

“This is stupid.”

Peter laughed. “Come on, man. Don’t be a dick, Betty’s really excited about this.” Ned just rolled his eyes as he grabbed another glass of champagne, Peter wondering what would be an acceptable limit for him to stop him. 

Their whole purpose in coming was to get drunk on free alcohol and eat as much as they could and Ned, who was really a good guy for as pissy as he was being right now, wasn’t wrong. 

Peter had thought the idea of a masquerade ball or gala or whatever the hell they were at was stupid too - especially considering they’d gone through all that trouble to make masks only to ditch them when they arrived, realizing no one else had taken the theme seriously.

But Peter hadn’t had the heart to let Betty down, not when he knew that the guy from her physics lab that she’d been going back and forth with had seemingly ghosted her without reason. 

Betty had seemed upset about it, confused since it seemed like they had been on a track towards something.

Peter could understand. 

* * *

He knew Michelle had been surprised by how he’d been when they met each other again, but Peter didn’t feel like he could really explain. Not in any way that would make sense to her.

He’d been pissed off, cold and hurt that night at the club - literally and figuratively as he shivered, realizing three blocks down that he’d left his jacket with Michelle. All he could think of was how angry she had looked, how confused she’d been and how conflicted Peter felt.

It felt like a mixed signal, Michelle acting so jealous only to almost run away from him after Thanksgiving, storming off with her sister and agreeing to meet with him only to never show up. But Peter had been beyond trying to figure it out, especially when he was sure that he had messed everything up in the first place. 

Peter didn’t regret making out with Michelle and even now wondered that if May hadn’t come home, if he would’ve really regretted sleeping with her. But he should’ve talked to her - should’ve asked, explicitly from the beginning - what exactly it was that she wanted, what she truly wanted from him.

It’s the only thing he could reason for why she had acted the way that she did, Felicia yelling at him later to reconsider everything with Michelle. 

“She seems like she’s got shit to deal with, Pete. _ Real _ shit. You sure you’re into that?” She’d asked over the phone.

“Who doesn’t, Felicia?” He had replied, knowing that whatever argument Felicia had - Peter wasn’t going to budge. 

Peter knew what he wanted, or really who. But he wasn’t about to force anything, not when his pride was hurt at being stood up. Not when Michelle had blown up at him for something that seemed completely benign. Not when he had no idea how to try and fix something that didn’t completely feel like his fault - as much as he wanted to. 

He moped about it for a few days until May got sick of it, telling him to either suck it up or make it right - neither of which Peter had wanted to do at the time.

As he watched Michelle walk up to him, holding a glass of champagne in his hand - he thought back to the chance meeting with one of his high school teachers, and the realization that he’d come to.

* * *

“Peter Parker?”

Peter glanced up from his phone, mindlessly scrolling through social media on his phone in a coffee shop. May hadn’t exactly kicked him out but she was tired of his moping, even Peter feeling like he was dragging his feet about everything.

Peter was a problem solver, he always had been. But this was a problem that seemed too big and too complicated to fix.

He was surprised to see his old physics teacher, in the same way anyone is surprised to see a person of authority outside of the context that you knew them in.

But then Tony Stark had been an inspiration to him in high school, one that even for as shitty as Peter was feeling, he was glad to see him again.

“Mr. Stark! What are you doing here?”

The man smiled, pointing for the chair across from him, Peter gesturing that it was okay for him to sit. Peter knew that he’d lost an arm overseas during his time in the military but Peter didn’t expect him to now have such a realistic prosthesis, especially when he never wore one when Peter had been in high school. 

“Looks real huh? Started wearing it now that I’m not constantly surrounded by teenaged hellions.” 

“Sorry, sorry, Mr. Stark.” Peter blushes, hearing May’s reprimands in his head about staring at people for too long - remembering what that felt like when he used to wear his yarmulke more often. But Tony just smiled, waving his hand.

“It’s fine, Peter. I’ve seen worse. And please, call me Tony. I haven’t been your teacher in what, four years?”

Peter shrugged. “Can’t make any promises, Mr. Stark. You’ll forever be the physics teacher who wouldn’t let me turn in my final project even though I was only five minutes late, so I feel like I should still owe you some respect.”

Tony laughs, Peter smirking as Tony shakes his head. “I hope I wasn’t too much of a hard ass on you. You had gifts, kid. But from what I’ve heard through the grapevine, you seem to be doing alright for yourself? Almost finished with MIT right?”

Peter nodded. “Yeah, thanks again for serving as a reference. You really were a great teacher, Mr. Stark.”

Tony just smiled in return, leaning back in his chair. “Not hard to be a good teacher when you got students like you, Peter.”

They fall into a comfortable silence, before Tony speaks up again.

“So what’s the plan now? I know that’s a terrible question and I hate to ask it but I’m curious. You always seemed to be destined for great things.”

Peter laughed. “Not sure about that but I don’t know, still waiting to hear back from some med schools.” 

Tony’s eyes widened in surprise. “Med school? And here I thought you were faithful to physics. For shame Mr. Parker, what would your seventeen-year old self say now?”

Peter shrugged, rolling his eyes. “I think he was pretty much a dumbass so I wouldn’t trust anything he’d have to say to me.” 

Tony smiles warmly at him, Peter’s mind going elsewhere. Even if the words were true - Peter had been an idiot in high school - he couldn’t help but think that for all the things that had changed in the past few years, he was still making stupid mistakes - still acting like the dumbass Michelle always told him he was.

Instead of calling her up, inviting her to talk - here he was, kicked out of his own home for moping around like a teenager instead of the grown ass adult he was supposed to be. 

Tony seems to pick up on the change in his demeanor, nodding to him. “You alright, kid?”

“Yeah, yeah I’m fine. Just, you know. Life stuff.”

Tony smirks. “Anything you want to talk about?”

“No, it’s fine. I don’t want to take up your time.” Peter watched as Tony gestured to the coffee house, arms up as if showcasing how empty it was.

“Got nothing but time. My wife’s out of town for a business meeting and I’m stuck here waiting for my daughter to get out of her ice skating lessons. Really, you’d be doing me a favor.”

Peter smiles at Tony’s attempt at humor, sensing the undercurrent of concern in his tone. Tony had always been a great teacher to him in high school, going above and beyond until it felt like more of a mentorship - challenging him in his homework, encouraging him to apply for colleges Peter was sure he’d never be able to afford, going so far as to help him on countless Saturdays to figure out what scholarships would be the most useful to apply for.

Peter owed a debt of gratitude to Tony Stark and for all that he’d done for him, remembering that even then Tony had listened to his girlfriend woes. It strikes Peter that even if he hadn’t seen the man in almost four years, he still felt comfortable in his presence.

So Peter tells him everything, starting from the beginning - from the moment he had first met Michelle. A part of Peter thinks he should be embarrassed, talking about an almost hook-up with his old high school teacher but Tony had never been just a teacher to him anyway - serving as an almost father figure to him after Ben had died.

Tony listens patiently as Peter explains what happened, saying nothing. Even as Peter explains that night in the club, the awkwardness he felt in the week or so since, Tony stays quiet until finally when Peter’s finished - he’s at a complete loss for what to say next. 

“And now… I mean, I don’t know, Mr. Stark. I think I messed things up.”

Tony seems to think before pursing his lips and saying, “Yeah kid, sounds like you did.” 

Peter balks, eyes widening even as Tony laughs. “What the hell, Mr. Stark? I thought you asked me to tell you all of this so you could help me feel better.”

Tony rolls his eyes. “Kid, if I was in the business of just making you feel better, I would’ve allowed you to turn in that sorry excuse of a final project five minutes late. But I didn't, did I?” 

Peter’s shoulders slump. “No. You didn’t.” 

“Do you remember what I made you do?” Peter gives him a look. 

“Of course. Made me redo the entire thing, almost gave me a heart attack thinking you were going to fail me, saying I couldn’t pass until I did it right.” 

“If you hadn’t done it, I just might’ve.” Peter snorts as Tony continues. 

“But you did it, kid. You rose to the challenge, proved to me and to yourself that you could actually do the work when you put your mind to it. And clearly,” Tony motioned towards his general direction, “It worked out.”

Peter seems to consider his words before asking, “So how does that relate back to MJ?” 

Tony shrugs. “You tell me.” 

Peter thinks about it for a few minutes, knowing that Tony - just as he had been in high school - would be patient with him while he figured it out in his mind. 

Michelle had clearly liked him before, the only explanation Peter could come up with in his mind for how jealous she’d been. And while in the moment, she’d seem interested and open to pushing boundaries in his old bedroom during Thanksgiving, something changed for her between then and the ride home. 

Peter wouldn’t know without talking to her, something that he knew he _ should _ do - especially since it was the obvious and most clear-cut solution to all his problems. 

But then, a lot had happened since then. 

May was right, no matter what Michelle might’ve been thinking in the weeks they didn’t talk - the weeks Peter’s convinced she was ignoring him for whatever reason - and she had been hurt to see him with Felicia, even more so by the gift without so much as an explanation or a warning. 

Felicia had a lot of great ideas, but she wasn’t always the right. Peter should’ve realized he should take her advice with a grain of salt - especially considering how much for whatever reason, the gift had just agitated Michelle - though why, he still didn’t understand. 

And the night of the club, Peter knew he should’ve stayed behind and talked to her - especially when Peter could tell from the look on Michelle’s face that she had no idea what he was talking about. He should’ve stayed, clarified what happened or have been brave - spoke up and told her outright how he felt. 

How he still feels - maybe stupidly, from Felicia’s perspective. Even May had been hesitant, wondering if Peter understood that Michelle’s outburst hadn’t been okay.

And he did, Peter wasn’t stupid - but it didn’t matter to him, his focus more on what had caused her to act the way she did - if Peter could’ve done anything to prevent it. 

When Peter thinks about everything that had happened, all the miscommunications that had led them to this point - Peter wishes he could just undo it, undo it all - and start fresh. 

It hits him then that in a way, he can. Tony seems to pick up on this, leaning forward. 

“Well?”

“I… I think I might just need to try a do-over.”

“Meaning?” Tony prods. 

Peter sighs. “I mean, we were friends before all of this shit. Well, almost friends. We’ve pretty much been flirting with each other from the moment we met which now, thinking back, that wasn’t smart. I was still trying to get over Gwen and she’s... “ Peter trails off, glancing outside the window they were by. “I don’t know. Something happened with her ex and she hasn’t told me what it is and probably never will.” 

Peter’s gaze turns back to Tony, seeing the patient expression on his face. 

“Even if she never does, I think… I think I liked being her friend.” 

Tony nods once more. “You think you can do that?”

“What?” Peter’s eyebrows furrow.

“Be her friend.”

Peter tilts his head. “I mean, yeah?”

“It sounds like you really like this girl, Peter. Can you really just be friends with her, without any kind of expectation?” Tony asks, his voice even as Peter nods. 

“Yeah, yeah. I mean, I like her but--”

“No buts, Peter.” Tony’s voice is firm, Peter pausing as Tony continue. 

“If this is what you want to do, you have to be clear with yourself. You like her. You know that, I know that. Fact is, you’ll get yourself out of this mess quicker by sitting down and talking to each other. But you have to decide for yourself about what you want. And if that’s to be her friend, than that’s it. Not expecting things to change, not hoping she’ll change her mind. Just friends.”

Peter says nothing until Tony leans back, a faint smile on his face. 

“You’re a smart kid, Peter. I know you’ll figure out what to do. But remember this,” Peter watches as Tony gets a faraway look in his eyes. 

“Loving someone, _ really _ loving someone, means being honest with each other. In the good and the bad, you gotta have trust. Don’t get me wrong, you’re not the only one who sounds like they messed up here. From what you’ve told me, it seems like a hell of a miscommunication on both your parts.” 

Tony leans back, Peter silent as he continued. 

“But you have to decide for yourself what you want, Peter. Decide and then if you really care about her, you need to talk to her.”

“It’s not that easy, Mr. Stark.”

“Like hell it isn’t.” Tony argues, leaning forward again.

“If you want to be friends, be friends. If you don’t, then don’t. But decide what you want, kid and stick to it.” Tony meets his eyes. 

“But what if she doesn’t want to? What if she’s pissed at me still? What if I did something wrong?” Peter’s mind has run through countless scenarios to figure out the cause for Michelle to act the way she did, none of them making him feel the hurt and anger he had felt that night - but empathy. 

Whatever the hell Michelle was thinking that night, Peter knew he probably didn’t deserve it - but if there was anything he could’ve done to prevent it, he wished he had.

“Sounds like a lot of problems and not enough solutions, Pete. You’re smart, smarter than most. I’m not saying you have to solve everything but you won’t know anything until you _ talk _ to her.”

“But Mr. Stark—“

“Look Pete, it’s really simple. Love her, like her, whatever you call it, if you really care for her, you’ll talk this out.” 

* * *

And that’s exactly what Peter did. 

It had been simple advice, words that he heard from May - but hearing it from Tony gave him the push he needed.

Tony didn’t know Michelle like May did, didn’t know anything but what he’d told him. And even if Peter couldn’t tell what he thought about her, he knew that Tony cared about him - and what he wanted. 

And he wanted Michelle, still liked her - his heartbeat quickening as she walked up to him in a dress that made Peter feel as if he’d never seen someone so beautiful. 

But he took Tony’s words to heart, understanding how deep down how true they were. 

Peter had never really been Michelle’s friend before, their friendly and flirty banter taking the place of real intimacy - making out in his old bedroom borne more out of the sexual tension that had built between them than any real progression of feelings or a mutual understanding. 

They hadn’t been honest with each other from the beginning, dancing around each other without really getting to know each other. 

But he also knew Tony was right in another sense - that guarded apology on the bus feeling like a first step towards… something. 

He wanted to talk to her more, wanted to know what happened to have made her act the way she did. But Peter also knew that Michelle still held a lot of closely guarded secrets, a lot of things in her past that she either couldn’t or didn’t want to share with him. 

And while his initial fear for why Michelle had ignored him in the weeks after Thanksgiving still nudged the back of his mind, even if she had seemed to dismiss that idea back on the bus - Peter thought more and more that he’d never want to force Michelle into a conversation she was unwilling to have. 

So Peter decided to become her friend, without expectation or limitations. 

And if that’s all he would be, even knowing how deeply and truly he still liked her, Peter thinks he could be okay with that. 

Michelle had always been funny but now, even without the flirty banter - he saw just how sharp her humor was, how introspective she was about the world around her in a way that he hadn’t really noticed before. 

Michelle had always been caring - showing it to him without ever saying a word for how much she took care of him while he was sick, but in the way that she asked him about his uncle, the conversations they’d have over dinner with Ned and Betty showing him how deeply she understood people and wanted to help them however she could. 

When she told him about Stanford, about all the other schools she’d applied to - he was thrilled, even if Peter wondered if her potentially moving the country would be the end of whatever friendship they had built. 

And tonight, looking stunning, not just because of the cut of her dress or the way she’d done her makeup or her hair but because by virtue of being _ her _ \- Peter thought that even if he would never be more than a friend to her, that he’d be willing to take it - take anything, just to be around her. 

Peter wasn’t sure if it would last beyond graduation but even if it didn’t, Peter thinks he’d be happy for any moment he had with Michelle at all. 

“You enjoying the party?” Michelle asked, Peter smiling as she walked right up to him and Ned. 

“I need another drink.” Peter smirks as Ned shrugs, Michelle’s face twisting in confusion - a look that just makes Peter smile even more.

“What’s with him?” 

Peter shrugged. “I don’t even know, I think he’s still upset that we had to ditch the masks.” 

Michelle laughed, the sound of it warming Peter’s insides. “You’d think he’d get better about holding grudges, especially since he was the one who stopped talking to you for three days because you beat his high score in that stupid video game.”

“Hey, _ Beast Slayer _ is not stupid. I’m gonna tell him you said that.”

Michelle’s mouth opens in feign surprise. “You _ wouldn’t. _” 

“Try me, MJ.” 

Michelle smiles, Peter biting his lips as he works to compose himself - knowing he was teetering dangerously towards the line between friendly banter and flirting. He liked Michelle, he knew he always would - but Peter had decided within himself that he wasn’t going to cross any more boundaries. 

A small voice whispered to him that maybe he should, that Michelle might be willing to listen. That maybe the feelings he had for her were well beyond just _ liking _ her. 

But just as quickly as the thought comes, Peter dismisses it - choosing instead to say, “Anyway, have you seen Betty? Last I saw, she was saying something about a wine cellar?”

Michelle rolled her eyes. “Yeah, says she figures a place like this has to have a secret tunnel somewhere and she was damned and determined to find it.”

“I can’t say there are secret tunnels but there’s definitely a wine cellar.”

Michelle immediately goes still, tensing as Peter turns towards the unfamiliar voice. 

The guy beside him - one Peter had completely missed walking up to them, his focus completely on Michelle - was tall, an air about him that exuded confidence - or arrogance, Peter would later think - and in a suit that looked even from where Peter stood, to cost more than his portion of rent for the past six months. 

“Hey MJ.” He says, winking at her - the sight of it making Peter’s stomach churn. 

Peter sees the way Michelle’s hands curl up into fists, the rigid way she stood before straightening her back, turning to face the man beside him. His mind is whirring, trying to figure out who the hell could make Michelle shift so suddenly, to go from being so relaxed to being---

And then it hits him, just as Michelle speaks. 

“Harry.”

**Author's Note:**

> oof I think this one is the longest part yet
> 
> Next bit is the start of the last one......
> 
> We must earn our slow burns. 
> 
> And we are almost there :)


End file.
